I find myself awake in the middle of the night yet again. This time without a scripture reference but just a knowledge that this is something I have to share. I’ve gotten a couple e-mails from people who were around when I was going through some dark things and they don’t understand how I can go from THAT to THIS. Ashes to Beauty.
I think of the story of the Samaritan woman. (John 4) And that was ME. I was stuck in so much trash, in a place where I believed there was no hope and God said OK, TARA FOLLOW ME. I pray every day that the things I was living in will be used to effect lives around me so, here I am.
39Many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me all that I ever did.” 40So when the Samaritans came to him, they asked him to stay with them, and he stayed there two days. 41And many more believed because of his word. 42They said to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”
How can I believe in God when so many bad things have happened? Honestly, this one can be hard to grasp at times. When Nathan died, i was MAD. flat out angry. How could God let the only man that even attempted to get me to seek him die, at 16? Now I see his death was out of the sorrow and depression that lives in this world. Suicide is not of God. The thoughts that lead you to that are not of God. Christ brings JOY not sorrow, SHATTERS chains not bounds them to you.
My dad died the day before I turned 21…. This one has somewhat continued to be a struggle because I have no choice but to see that day every year and remember the emotions that now come along with what used to be a day of celebration. I can say that without his death, in that time I definitely would NOT be where I am now. I can say that that event pushed me towards God because I had lost all hope at that point.
One year later, I moved back to Houston because of events that aren’t worth mentioning but weren’t fun to be in. I literaly ran away from my past. I look at that now and see that if i hadn’t i’d still be on that path. I LOVE the people I used to spend that time with, but I do not miss the things we would do. I don’t miss the bars or the drugs.
I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit because I have seen all 3 do miraculous things in front of my eyes and in the lives of those around me. Read the blogs about Boston last summer or fall for full testimonies. Healings, people with the same EXACT past, transformed lives.
One story from our trip that i’m not sure i’ve shared before is about this homeless guy… he was drunk out of his mind and probably on a couple of other drugs as well. He kept hitting people in Harvard square. For some reason, I knew i was supposed to pray for him… well at one point he left and came back with a beer… so I prayed that he’d break the bottle. Sure enough, he fell down and dropped the brown paper bag… but nothing shatters. I felt a little defeated in the fact that it was a CAN and not a BOTTLE. but when he opened it, the contents exploded all over him and the ground around him. HOLY SPIRIT IS ALIVE and If you believe in Christ, He lives in you!
I could tell you 10 or more stories of similar actions. Those testimonies are every day realities of what God does, can do, and will do IF you surrender you life to Him. Belief in Him is the first step, actually USING the gift He’s given is the next. Its being in tune with what God says, how He speaks to you and acting upon it. I call it RADICAL OBEDIENCE. (If you read anything else I’ve written it’s NEVER this one track, just sayin’. and if you think i get up this early on my day off for fun you’re nuts!)
I believe in God BECAUSE He’s redeemed my life and turned it into something new, HE’s healer, HE’s someone I am in a solid relationship with. It took SEEING those things with my own eyes to surrender and live all out seeking after Christ but let my life be a lesson to you, who ever you are, where ever you are.
He is bigger than addictions, lust, death, hurt, not so great parents, betrayal, whatever the world has sent your way. He can and will conquor them if you let Him.
Isaiah 40:31
31 but those who trust in the LORD
will renew their strength;
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not faint.
